25 February 2019

#4 The Monday Letter

This monday letter is gonna be a long one! So grab your water or wine and get comfortable♥️
“Your outlook on life is a direct reflection on how much you like yourself.”  - Lululemon   
The thought of the week is self worth. over the last few days, I've received emails, bumped into old "teenhood" friends and spoken at a youth group and all the dilemmas or questions I was faced with pointed right back to valuing yourself and I've found myself giving everyone the same advice. You seek what you think you deserve, you dwell within what you think you're worth, you accept treatment that you think is enough. 
I get it, I was that girl. I subconsciously operated from a frequency that was beneath me because I didn't know better. I didn't know what self love, self awareness and self critic looked like, or the fact that seeking love, awareness and critic from people who didn't know themselves was soul wrenching, especially when I didn't know myself . I say this to highlight that  if you don't know who you are. the world will tell you and it won't tell you from a position that benefits you it will tell you from a position that comforts and affirms it's ways. 
                   SELF Esteem {noun}                                                               
                   confidence in one's own worth or abilities; self-respect.   
                   "assertiveness training for those with low self-esteem”                                                
                    Synonyms self-respect, self-regard, pride in oneself/one's abilities, 
                   faith in oneself,  pride, dignity, morale, self-confidence,                                             
                    self-assurance, assurance. 

Growth within is a process that only happens when you consciously bring your baggage to the floor, sit down and go through the bag dealing with each issue one by one, patiently and mercifully. Its long, its not linear and its hard but its worth it because when you know better you do better. Be your own best advocate, speak up when you're being treated in ways that add shade to your light. Speak up when people around you are dimming theirs, learn too speak up when your gut instinct tells you to and sit back when it tells you to. Be silent when you need to be listen, heal and reconnect with your instinct. Trust yourself.    

It’s funny once you start looking back on your life and seeing all the trials and tribulations you’ve been through and how you ended up being the person you are today. You really understand that everything that happened had to happen because the journey matters more than the destination, simply because the journey adds value to the destination. Your purpose gets found and you get moulded for your purpose during the journey.  Everyone has their truth, their story, their wounds. We've all gone through stuff and are going through stuff {don't let the internet's highlight reel fool you} your story may be different and you may often wonder how you survived it all , you wish someone would rescue your, you wish you could just give up and  give in by just saying you are the way you are because of what went into your marinade and it is what it is. But you've got to be willing to get back up! no matter how many times you get knocked down. Have courage especially when it's hard to see past the foggy pain.  

A lot of us look at ourselves and see someone who made mistakes, who made bad choices, who can’t manage our workload, relationships, career, finances or find true love. We see our friends being more successful and feel less than, we see how our parents raised us and question why they couldn't have done it another way, Well stop it! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! You are not solely made up of the things that have happened to you or where you stand at this very moment.  Apart of your marinade is a mixture of how each of these relationships have affected and become a part of you, everything that has gone into your marinade to create you has made you even more precious.  I was once told that “The soul is placed in the body like a rough diamond, and must be polished, or the radiance of it will never appear.” A diamond doesn't start out polished and shining. They start as simple rocks, but with enough pressure and time, become spectacular. Your worth will always increase when you open yourself up to inner growth.

Understand that even while you're on the rollercoaster, you still have value. Understand that no one can give you confidence in your worth or your abilities, they just add onto the solid foundation thats already there and that your level of self respect sets the tone for the level respect you receive outside of yourself.

I know *sigh* How do you know this Lydia? Because I was once that sad, doubtful girl who was brought to her knees through hardship, tired of being let down, losing people, being hurt by people and constantly feeling like I'd like a reboot button on life. My self-esteem was at its breaking point and if i'm honest on some days, I still see glimpses of that same girl in myself, which is ok because healing is a continuous process. 
The difference between me at that point in my life and me now is that I've trained the inner voice that used to tell me just give up to now only tell me to keep going, you can too. Despite what anyone says or doesn't say. Despite  people's presence or absence in your life, You can have your own back first and foremost. Creating a healthy foundation for you to pour love into the people you love. The choice became YOURS and yours alone, . The choice to get up, do something and be whatever it is you hold deep in your heart, thats yours when you take your worth out of the hands of others. 

                       So take a look in the mirror and repeat after me 


                                        From this heart to yours,

                                                                       I love you!

                                                                                 Lydia Gratis x

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