21 January 2019

#1 The Monday Letter.

Oh, Hi there, long time no talk! How are you guys doing? 
I pray that 2019 is treating you with so much love and light, this is indeed the year for the turn around, right? The glow up? The come up!

Well I don’t know about you guys, but,
I know that this year will certainly serve as a testament of God’s ability to take me all the way up. I won’t get into crazy details right now (don’t worry we’ll really get to the nitty gritty specifics/lessons later), but 2018 was not my best. 
If I’m being honest, I cried more last year than I think I ever have in my life — and I’m a crier! LOL! 

Its wild how even when you know the plans God has for you, even though you know your best days are ahead of you and even when blessings rain down on you. You can still feel so overwhelmed in the present and tears still fall. I called 2012-2017 my healing years and if I’m honest 2018 felt like a test on all my life lessons. 
It had me asking from start to end, 
“Do I accept this”, 
“Am I right in rejecting that,” 
“Could I be a little more free” , 
“What are my toxic traits?” 
“Am I keeping emotionally intelligent people around me” ,
“How do I serve others better”,
& “ What am I so scared of?” ,
 It was a whole rollercoaster and my faith was tested!! But my growth was so apparent.

A lot of people have asked me, “Why aren’t you posting?”. “Why aren’t you writing?”  Why aren’t you sharing?" , "Is everything ok?" , “Where have you been?” “ Have you given up on your blog”  & My answer wasn’t simply “I don’t feel like it.

I spent the end of 2017 and all of 2018 feeling like I didn’t want to be seen but sad that I wasn’t seen and then humbled by those who did see me. Complex, I know. 
It was a whole process of not wanting to be vulnerable because vulnerability didn’t feel safe for me anymore. The journey was to figure out why, which I did and I’m so glad. 

Now I will say that my entire time away hasn’t just been unexplainable tears and sadness. 
So many amazing things happened and so much gratitude was felt. I learnt to stand in my truth, knowing that 
                "your truth won't sound good to every ear, your truth wont fit in well in every heart, your truth wont taste sweet on every tongue, but its still your truth, and no one can take that away from you" - Iambrillyant

We’re in a new year though and my souls been wanting to come back to COAB and reconnect with you guys. Despite my whole 15 months of unexplained silence I appreciate all 21,120 visits you guys have paid to my little corner of the web. I'm back and I figured I've gotta start somewhere with commitment, consistency and conversation. Which brings us to "The Monday Letter". The monday letter is gonna be a weekly {yep a challenge for your girl!} review on all things Lydia, my thoughts, my questions, my epiphanies, adventures, love and life. 
So if you’ve messaged me and asked “@LydiaGratis where have you been??” I hope this comes even close to answering your questions and serves as a reminder that  Sometimes self care looks like unapologetically listening to your soul, taking time out to cater to the desires of your heart and keeping people on the same frequency as you around because, theres a blessing in knowing people who hear your silence, thats your tribe. 
Keep them near, count your blessings, soul care and in oceans deep your faith will stand.

I’m back and it’s so good to be with you  all again.
Heres a toast to consistency, growth, gratitude and self care.

From this heart to yours, I love you

Lydia Gratis