25 December 2016

Emmanuel 6:2:15

In 2010
You were 24,
Somehow, Its 2016,
and you would have turned 30 today.
I'm 24, wondering how this world is so dirty...

Even when I craved a piece of your peace,
I was holding onto four living.
so  it slowly dawned on me,
I couldn't drown in my sorrow
to join your peace.

Every Christmas gone by
brought thoughts of how
You carried me &
The world dropped you.

I tried to remember the voice that taught me to cook,
the face of the only man who ever protected me,
the hugs of my brother who taught me who I wanted to be.
as I thought "Lucky me".

These last six years my mind has kept an atlas
of each place I've ever been with you.
Every experience we've been through
so every time I'm sad I open up a memory,
like a child opening an advent card excited for whats within.
but still finding it hard within.

Its taken me not 1 or 2
but SIX whole years before I could write your name,
and tears still fall,
not because of fear
or my world feeling small.
But because finally,
Finally I know how to stand tall
with the echo of your last words to me.

"I Love you & I'll call you in the morning."

While the sun has risen 2268 times,
I've been fighting to be better for you,
never bitter even when the world isn't true.

Memories of going through your wallet,
when picking out your funeral suit and seeing
Psalm 30:5
scribbled on a paper & tucked away,
I've been keeping it close to my heart
fighting to get through another day.
learning that survival is art.


I Love You & I'll see you in the morning...