21 April 2014

Beauty Denied

Girls, why do we have a habit of dismissing compliments, yet we’re so fast to take insults to heart? 
If you dont know what I'm talking about,  then boo you're a liar. Lol, seriously though, do you remember that guy you met who told you you’re beautiful?.... No, didn’t think so. But you sure do remember the hater who called you fat right?.... Why? Because you paid mind to what was said despite the fact it didn’t matter. You yourself chose to dislike that person to this day and dismiss the person who saw the light in you. In the process dimming your own light and self worth.

I’m not even pointing the finger here because I’ve done this too. I grew up being the only black girl surrounded by white friends for ¾ of my  life and I felt like the ugly duckling among swans. Solely because I had more melanin. But as my friends group altered I realized it wasn’t me that was the problem, it was merely the fact that people are attracted to what they’re accustom to not what they're presented with. So sooner or later you acknowledge that the world we live in reacts to us based on our race, religion, education and socio-economics, and beauty, or lack thereof, is a part of that.

See the girls who break necks, the ones who everyone deems drop dead gorgeous are forgiven more easily, given more breaks in life, they get to cut in lines, get things for free, and command a room all without saying a word, but that doesnt mean their life is great and their whole life flows smooth. Just because you’re not that girl, don’t be the one who dims her own light simply because not EVERYONE sees your radiance.

I can see some people shaking their head thinking SERIOUSLY LILY??? Its not that deep.
But on the real, you can tell me all about chemistry and pheromones and the unspoken connection that happens between two people, But you CANNOT tell me when a beautiful girl walks into a bar that every guy isn’t noticing, isn’t assessing, isn’t hoping, wishing, plotting, planning, scheming, dreaming and wanting.  Y’know some of those guys are calculating their own beauty in order to determine their odds. Girls don’t realise that most guys at bars who are trying to pick up the most beautiful girl are the ones who base their entire self-worth on the appearance of their partner. Self- esteem isn’t only a female thing.

When you’re old and grey, telling your story you sure don’t want to start with:
“This is a story of a girl who turned out wrong, because she only loved things that couldn’t love her back.” —Sophia, Skins

You need to understand that no matter how loud your voice is, how talented or creative you are, how brilliant or funny or charming or kind or thoughtful, sweet, caring, loyal and honest you are. You won’t overshadow the kind of beauty  that society has ordained as a 10. It is visible everyone immediately sees it. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t beautiful and don’t dismiss the people who notice the change of your eye colour every season. The guy that tells you have a beautiful smile or the stranger that says they love your figure because at the end of the day you may not be the next top model but that doesn’t mean you’re not amazing.

After feeling so low about myself as a kid I grew up finding out that I can only be myself and hope that someone finds something Beautiful about me or in me, even if it’s just the possibility or the potential. But first and foremost I had to find that beauty and love it with all my heart. This sounds scary at first and it’s far from easy.The negativity though, those are the voices to block out.

When you learn that self-love is the key to appreciating someone elses love for you. You allow yourself to be ONLY you, whilst truly admiring all that is YOU! . The definition of beauty is not as pure as it originally was. You ARE beautiful even if society doesn't agree.

With that said, here are 5 things I love about Me, Myself & I. 

1)      I love the fact I have a birth mark on my left eye. When I was 11 my mum and the doctors thought it would grow so it was meant to be removed, which never happened for some reason. Safe to say we both love it now.

2)      I Love the fact that no matter how hard I try to hate someone when they hurt me, I simply cant. See don’t get me wrong I will cut your ass out of my life so fast but hating you or wishing bad on you is not in my character. My mums always taught me the value of forgiveness and moving forward. Everything in life is a lesson and its never easy to do but with time I’m able to let go of the hurt in my heart.

3)   I love the fact that when a close friend needs me in an important situation affecting their life I don’t think twice about extending a helping hand, If its in my power to make your life easier I will. I gat you ;) lol.

4) *ghetto voice* Lil mamas a mean cook yo! If y’all aint know then y’all missing out *Flicks hair* hehe! .

5) Ambition. I am full of it. So much has happened in the past couple of years and its been extremely overwhelming but no matter what, I have never and will NEVER give up on my dreams. Mostly because of the reasons I want what I want, but also because giving to those less fortunate holds value to me, I know how it feels to have and also to go without. Last but never least, because I want to cater for me and mine.

So #TalkToMeh ! 
What are the 5 things y'all love about yourselves.

     Lily x