Our Deepest Fear..

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Marianne Williamson

Mind Over Matter

Shes back!! 
I've gone 2 or 3 weeks without blogging or writing because I've felt cornered and unable to produce anything that made sense to me. I realised the thing that pushed me to finally set up my own blog was the fact that people liked the first four pieces I wrote on blog.rossdibenzi.com and that was the path I focused on when I wrote all my other blog articles, until I began to feel like a dry well with nothing to produce. Solely because I wasn't writing for me any more. 

I guess it took me a while to figure out what was wrong. Some how I ended up asking myself "would you still write if no one read what you wrote?" and my answer was "yes, yes I would!". It's something I've always loved doing before anyone even knew I did it. Although I'd given it up for a few years only to be reminded that next to art this is what I love.

See when I started my blog I knew my long term goals but had no plan leading me there. So I basically just kept writing whatever came to mind when I felt the need to upload and ended up feeling like I didn't like writing any more, it felt like all I was writing about was love and relationships, while absolutely nothing is wrong with those 2 topics they just weren't the only topics I hoped to explore. Especially knowing I learnt more about myself each time I wrote. 

Love and relationships ended up being my focus solely because thats why people started reading my work, but that wasn't why I started writing. 

When you feel like you're in a maze, the people that know you the best always point it out to you because even to them its slightly abnormal. Why limit yourself to one topic when you're composed of so much more. I wouldn't have thought of venturing down this path if not for the constant encouragement of close friends and Le Madre. Those who genuinely love you inspire you to be better twofold! 

Nothing is ever handed to you on a silver platter when it comes to finding your passion. No amount of money can buy you your passion, it is priceless, and it is up to each and every one of us to discover what we can truly love, grow and expand with major value.

It's safe to say I've found my foot and I'm back with a bang! Better things ahead with a plan. Because we all know your dreams won't fail you unless you fail them. 

Heres to AllThingsLily 😉

Quality Over Quantity..

Eventually you become content with the people who matter, the ones whose hearts order them to be by your side because strings are attached and the ones who would be at your corner in a ring attack. 

See you go from loving everyone dearly, so deeply and not having that love reciprocated to being put in a situation where the good few love you back so deeply it overwhelms you. 
That is when it clicks that they loved you the most all along. 

Just like that friends become family, Fam- I L(ove) Y(ou)...

It's at that point in time that you know who loves you unconditionally. Who values you informally and who would give their life for you necessarily...

Actions speak louder than words, but when actions follow words thats when you see that quality beats quantity because quality loves you so much deeper than the entire quantity knows how to.

But hey if they don't know you personally don't take it personal. They may have known you! but time changes people and people move on with time. Everything has it's season and every lesson it's reason. Learn , smile, and with a glowing heart move on. 

Rudy Francisco says:
“You see muscle is created by repeatedly lifting things  that have been designed to weigh us down. So when your shoulders feel heavy.
Stand up straight.
Lift your chin.
Call it exercise. 
When the world crumbles around you.
You have to look at the wreckage and then build a new one out of all the pieces that are still here. 
Remember, you are still here.”

Because we're humans it's expected that we keep changing, keep evolving. That means loyalty too evolves, it may expire, it may pause and it might even shoot through the roof with just a little proof!

Honestly speaking, you grow up everytime something you want isn't meant for you. As each day passes be mindful of your self talk, it's your conversation with the universe. Can't catch blessings if you're too busy holding grudges...

When it's time for you to venture out don't let fear have you looking back at what you've left behind because all those should haves, could have happened if both of you were invested, not just a one sided deal.

It's funny how you get to know someone from their absence

Far from Mediocre (3)

Dear Future Lover,

I hope our love will not just be a cycle. A cycle of failed communication, overwhelming emotion, quiet moments, roaring laughter, screaming rages, snapped arguments and back to silent instances with no resolve. I've seen too much of that in this world and it never ends pretty but always ends. I need your kiss to feel like the cliff before the waterfall that takes control of my soul.
Far from mediocre. I just want someone who keeps my picture in his wallet, in this world full of tumblr and Instagram posts.

I wanna fall in love with your mind as it takes me along for the adventure of creating a new life together. I need us to build upon our love and reach am omnipotent power. Every day won't be perfect it might not even be great. But, I need us to be unstoppable in our journey, like a waterfall.

Diana King meant it when she said just a little tenderness at the end of the day is what I need. Your surprises don't have to be extravagant, just purely genuine. Tap into my soul, break into my heart. Get to know me.

Above all I ask, please don't dance with my heart if you only intend to play one song.

 A mistake my father made. 

 My mother always told me "when you meet the love of your life, speak to the king in him until he notices his crown. So I call you KING! Not as a pet name or term of endearment but as a reminder. They say old ways won't open new doors, which is why I'm invested in building something as fresh as a new day with you, something, "US".

The comfort in common ground is so warm. See, anyone can love a rose but it takes a great heart to love the thorns. So even in your imperfections I'm invested in your perfections. 

When you discover my imperfections I hope you acknowledge that they're a product of the paths I had to walk alone and when guidance came I was grown. My stubborn soul never learnt from anyone or anything but my mothers pain and the lessons of life as they bashed me left and right. I saw things from the ground perspective and not the sky. So whatever I felt I was going through seemed overwhelmingly large to the empath in me, until I prayed for clarity.  It surprised me how well God irons things out especially in places you feel you can't reach. 

And now that I know better, I don't want to fall in love with a perception that equals deception. I want to fall in love with the reality of you. It's the inevitable. 

The force of a waterfall..

P.I.T All ways, Always 
Your Truly 

The Girl Behind The Blog! (Q & A Tag)

Heyyy guys! Been going through an overwhelming week but todaaaaay, I thought I'd update and upgrade everything. As you can see my blog looks more me. Leave me some feedback and let me know what you think of the way I feng shui my space lol.

This blog post is going to be about the girl behind the blog, 


So you can get to know a little about me and hopefully I get to know you too! 

I thought it would be fun to do a blog tag with some questions and answers. This is called the 50 Random Questions Tags. I've seen youtubers do it and I thought "Hey! there has to be one for bloggers!". So after some searching I found this one, I thought would be interesting. Alright, let’s get started, shall we? :)

1. What is your best friend’s name?
I've got 2! Ck & Jaycee

2. Do you miss anyone right now? 
Yes, a few people actually! My best friend, Ck (she just left 20minutes ago) and my Thithi (Sisi with a lips lol) Pamela they just spent the last week nursing me. I miss my mum too but shes on her way to Ireland to take over nurse duties and my monkey, Jaycee, he makes me want to catch a flight to America but Skype will do for now lol. 

3. Do you sleep with your bedroom door open or closed? 
Slightly opened, with the hall light on. Lol old habits die hard.

5. Ever been in love?
I thought so until I discovered the true definition of "love" and what it really looks and feels like. Illusion is a dangerous thing. So no, not yet any way lol.

6. Do you always smile for pictures?
No, thats one thing all my friends complain about lol, I'm actually kind of insecure about my smile( weird, I know).

7. Do you ever dance even if there is no music playing?

8. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
Doctor to ballerina to actress then fashion designer to psychologist.

9. What is your song of the week?
pills & potions -Nicki Minaj , I really don't like the video though :/ and 
break every chain- Tasha Cobbs

10. What are your favourite Disney tales?
Lion King And Cinderella !! Thee best! Lol

11. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
I can't answer that lol, I'm bound to have some one day so my lips are sealed.
Wait! Define treasure?

12. Heels or flats?
Hmmm. Jordan's and heels if I had things my way. 

13. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
Love and Basketball.
Jumping The Broom.
Think Like A Man.
Lion King.
Step Up.
Bad boys.
Captain America.
Avengers assemble.
Fast and furious(all of them).

14. Last person you kissed?
Gave mum a peck on the cheek at the airport 

15. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
Err nah! You good.

16. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
2 nights ago.

17. Can you change the oil on a car?
No but I'd definitely like to learn, I've always wanted to learn how to fix an old car from scratch. 

18. Are you dating?
No, I'm not. I'm in the process of discovering my true essence and the kind of person I want to be, so I can be content with myself, even in the long run.

19. Describe your ideal proposal?
Lol, erm I actually don't know I've never really thought of that. Unique and romantic are the words that come to mind.

20. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
Yea I was from the age of 11-18, those were some of the best memories of my life. 

21. How many languages can you speak?
Lol I speak English fluently, hint of French (a little practice would help), and I understand Zulu, Xhosa(South African) , Chichewa and Tumbuka (Malawian) to some degree.

22. Are you stubborn?
I don't think so, but thats something you'd have to ask my mum and best friends lol.

23. Ever watch soap operas?
Omg yea! Home & Away is just amazing!

24. Nicknames?
Lily. My name is actually Lydia but when I was a little girl alot of my mum's friends called me "Lily of the valley" and the name just stuck. 

25. Ever used a gun?
Nope and don't think I ever want to.

26. What 8 places would you like to visit?
 Dubai, California, New York, Paris, Portugal, Australia, Bahamas & Kenya.

27. What are your 2 favourite apps on your phone? 
Those have to be Instagram and tumblr! Without a doubt.

28. Does anyone know the password to your email address?
Nope no one. I changed it a few days ago lol.

29. Do you want any tattoos?
I have 1, my late big brother's name with 2 birds. 1 flying and another rising. Representing how he taught me to fly. 

30. Any strange habits?
Lol yes they're all connected to my empathetic side. I don't know if they're strange really. 

31. What’s the worst abuse you have done to your phone?
Probably being on it a little too much.

32. What ever happened with you and your first gf/bf?
Thats his story to tell lol.

33. How old do you think you will be when you have your first child?
I'll have to ask my husband that when he finds his way into my life, since it's not only up to me lol. 

34. Are you a risk taker?
I'd like to think I am. Life is to be lived to the fullest although safely.

35. What happened the last time you cried? I came out of surgery and spoke to my mum on the phone and then a few minutes later my best friend walked into my hospital room just hearing their voices made me cry, even in my drowsy state lol. Such a baby I know.

36. Honestly, are things going the way you planned?
Yes, not in my timing but I'm happy with the fact they are.

37. What’s your worst habit?
Walking around the house without shoes and rarely with socks.

38. What’s your favorite thing about your gf/bf/crush?
I don't have one. So we'll get back to this when I do.

39. Have you ever bitten your toes nails?
Ew! No!

40. Do you have any strange phobias?
Yes, I hate feet. When I was in boarding school my friends used to bring their feet to my face and creep me out. Working in my mum's old salon made it worse because people came in with the worst feet ever for pedicures. 

41. Whats your favourite drink?
Water or a smoothie. Although I don't drink tap water in Dublin, nor do I drink river rock or ballygowen they're horrible. Volvic or Evian would do me just fine.

42. What book are you currently reading? "Just Words" 1 & 2 by Micheal E.Reid aka @JustMike_

43. What do you want to know about the future?
Nothing, mine is in God's hands, he has my best interest taken care of.

44. Have you already planned your wedding?
Nope, but I definitely do want to marry a soul that connects with me on an intension and passionate level.

45. Do people ever take you seriously?
A little too serious maybe. Apparently when people meet me for the first time I don't look friendly :( I'm the nicest person ever.

46. Why do you have a blog?
A friend of mine  ( @RossDibenzi ) decided to add other writers to his blog and he told me to write for him, knowing I had a passion for it but never established a platform. So I did and people read my article then my mum and friends spent weeks telling me to start my own blog after years of telling me to write a book and I finally listened, so here we are.

47. How old are you?

48. What is the one thing you’ll never do again?
Eat a snail. Ew! They're a major phobia of mine. Right next to slugs and feet, yet Jaycee convinced me to taste one on our vacation in Belgium. 

49. If you were the opposite gender. What name would you like to have?
Adam, Louie, Carter, or James

50. Which celebrity would you change lives with?
Oooh! Not all that glitters is gold but probably Meagan Good or Gabriella Union.

Alrighty, that’s all the questions there is. Hope you guys enjoyed that. 

Lily Aliyah x

Homie, lover, Friend (2)

Dear Future Lover,

I thought that first letter I wrote you would be the last til I met you. But I saw something today I just had to tell you.

 I met an elderly American couple today, James and Victoria, they were adorable and I had the pleasure of having lunch with them. 

As we pulled up to our lunch venue, James got out of the car to open his wife's door, then holding her hand, he help. As she humbly and gracefully got out of the car, He went on to gently place her jacket on her and she fixed his collar. They linked arms and Walked towards the restaurant entrance, laughing together.

Victoria spoke with sadness of her past and the trauma she had to endure through life,  but when she reached the story of how her and James met her whole soul lit up, through her eyes and a beaming smile. It was as if she was a teenager, beautiful!. The love in his eyes was so evident, he looked at her like a precious jewel. I couldn't help thinking " Wow! They have the word "team" nailed to the dot. 

I looked at everyone in the room and realised not only did Victoria and James love radiate from them it bounced onto the rest of the people at the table looking at them with love. Some people could not believe the pureness of the love before them, not only were these two lovers but it was so evident that they were best friends! 

To the younger eyes it became more evident that it's all about the one that treats you like royalty rather than the one who treats you to things because they lack loyalty. Most people have love backwards its the respect, loyalty and consistency thats a priority, the people are optional. 

Up until I met them I never realised that the love I dreamed of was not merely a dream. If hate as deep as war, kidnapping and bombing of innocent souls can exist then a love far stronger is definitely as real as the earth. 

I hope I can love you with every breath I take and honor you with every drop in me. Above all I can't wait to be your best friend, learn from you and grow with you. 

Love is a force and I don't want to just hear or see that you love me I want to feel it... 

Love me like art collectors love dead artists

Don't sweat the small stuff,
Hug me everyday as often as possible... promise to be faithful. 
Try your best to make me laugh.
I promise to do the same so our future will be golden.

All ways, 

Chivalry, Confidence And The Truth.

Hey guys! It's me again, Its been quite a while since I've posted, been so caught up in answering mails from some of y'all and planning ahead. My contact details are on the left for those of you who want to drop a "Hey Lily" , ask for advice or whatever lol. I appreciate all the love I've been receiving and I I hope y'all enjoy this piece, peace ;)

The topic of good guy Vs bad guy has been coming up a lot lately and here's my take on it.

Guys have recently started ranting about how they're going to stick to being "bad guys" because girls friendzone the good guys....

Noooo! If you get friendzoned it's simply because she is NOT attracted to you. 
I mean, seriously! shes just not into you. When she said; 
"I'll let you know" , 
"I'm busy" ,
 "we'll chill sometime" ,
 "you're such a good friend" , 
"my phone was in my bag"  and yet everytime you see her shes on her phone smiling. Friendzoned, she couldn't confidently friendzone you because you couldn't confidently pursue her. 

 Heck some of y'all even friendzone yourselves! 
Her: its so cold in here"
Him: "Yea, it's the Air Con" 
Me: Errm, ok!.

It took confidence for Albert Brennaman to get Alegra Cole. So blame no one either than yourselves fellas.

It's not that girls like bad guys, it's that girls love confidence, and it's usually the bad guys who are confident, slightly cocky,but confident none the less. 

If good guys became confident then the bad guys wouldn't be winning... Everyone knows that a girl will love a "bad guy" yet try so hard to change him into a nice guy... Its the confidence. 

Don't get it twisted por favor!

With confidence comes communication, laughter and the ability to have fun and live a little and with that comes memories. Y'all know how memories are a big deal to us girls. If you give us something worth remembering you're bound to be worth missing. 

A friend of mine once text me saying, "So today i was at work and was about to open the staff room door and one of the guys shouts ‘no wait!!’ so i turned around and he was standing there with the most adorable grin on his face and said ‘let me,’ and opened the door for me". 
Chivalry isn't dead partners just tend to act like it's him against her rather than being a team.

See regardless of wether she will admit it or not every girl is a product of her imperfections, slow perceptions and deep reflections. 

We're deep thinkers, some logical some dramatic. She may be walking around holding that big "Miss independent" sign above her head and thats ok because at the end of the day if she can hold her own then shes a woman who knows life and it's ways.Thats beneficial to you my brother! Because that means honey won't be constantly dipping her hand in your pockets.

 Although, don't let her or that sign fool you into thinking she doesn't want you to confidently take control as a man and let her follow your lead as y'all tango.

Theres a difference between a guy who asks a girl out and then decides to scratch his head while asking her if it's a date and what they should do . Really? You asked me out and yet you're asking what my intentions with you are? Really. Kmt, Compare him to a guy who asks a girl out, plans where they're going and confidently follows through on their date plans. Showing his intentions in a confident, humble and chivalrous manner. Its not in the price of the date or in the money he spends. It's the effort and memories made. The fact he saw her as someone worth respectfully pursuing. That is why he won.

Steve Harvey already already made it perfectly clear to us that if a guy follows through with the 3 Ps hes feeling you. pursue, protect and provide, words out of a grown man's brain.

The bad guys use this to their advantage in a negative way and that leads to the good girls turning bad. 

But truthfully, A woman who knows her worth doesn't turn bitter when someone treats her wrong she learns and makes herself better. Lily what about the ones that change?

 They clearly aren't loyal to themselves either. 

Lily Aaliyah x


I confess….
I thought I could despise you but I seem to be incapable. And, I’ve realized that it’s not because you hurt me; i mean, I can’t take away from the fact that you did, 
but it’s because you fed me a medicine I’ve been served for too long. You should know that I don’t hate you, I really don’t. I can’t take away from the impact you left. 
I genuinely wanted to be closer to you, I guess there was something about your aura, I detected so deep others didn't see. I’m all out of sorry’s and efforts and half smiles. 

I also confess… 
That I loved you the only way I knew how. It troubled me that even with that, I hadn’t mastered the skill of completely submitting myself  to another which would explain how it was okay to block you out. But the world came crashing down when you returned the favour. 
It wasn’t about you or her or you and her. It was about what you had allowed me to feel with you. Secure. For the first time in my life I could say I was worthy and when THAT happened, I was none of that anymore.
So, I confess…
That you’ve taught me to discover an identity and a worth independent of any opinion around me. We had a good run. The hurdles killed it, but it was good. And I wish you every ounce of happiness, genuinely. What I do have, is a stripped down version of me, peace, and whatever nature allows this to be.
Love Lily

I must confess…
I never understood you until I reached this age where I could. It’s come to my attention that all you did was an introduction to a strength I needed to possess knowing the state of my fragility.
I confess…
That many tears have led me to sleep and the same tears I once resented, I now treasure with all my might. You see, those were the lessons not a single soul on the planet would or could ever teach me.

I also confess that…
You are the most beautiful person in the world and you receive no credit for it. Your eyes, oh your eyes sparkle as though not a hint of pain lays beneath them. And, your smile is so perfectly designed. Your hands appear as if they were carved today. And, even when life has given your body a reason to slow down; your shoulders an excuse to be slouched - you walk, elevated and it highlights your strength.

I confess…
That I would be lost without you. I would know no truth and love would have no definition. Sacrifice would be a foreign topic to me and you deal with all 3 with ease.

You’re my hero and … I love you. I love you more than every drop of water in every lake and ocean and sea - combined. 
Signed,Yours Truly

I must confess…
I am a being made up of every emotion possible and I allow not a single one to rest on its potential. I challenged myself to feel nothing for anyone ever since the last one; this proved to be a foolish task. It is impossible that I could go through an entire day without a care for anyone around me. Love imbedded in my heart as though sewn through flesh, unable to depart. 
I confess…
That anything I feel is the furthest thing from calm. Whatever emotion attracts me, it will penetrate through my soul; be it anger or happiness or sorrow or like. Whatever it may be.
So I confess…
Like. That’s what it appears to be; this attraction and this fascination with this charm and stubbornness alike. The perfect humour and sense of dress. I can’t ignore the hint of trouble that one is surrounded with. 
Now, understand I have had no experience with the substance but, I imagine that this…
This, is ecstasy.

My 4th (and) final letter is addressed to myself. 

It took me a while and i’m hardly surprised.
When I look in the mirror,
I must confess
This wasn’t how I pictured 19. I anticipated a little more oblivion of the world, but I stare back at the eyes of a girl who is aware of more than she should.
I confess…
I stress about disappointing you because nothing would shatter me more than receiving that look once again, understand the last one is still dragged around in my bag of stuff. 

So I stand here confessing that I stare back at a figure that knows touch,
 lips that don't lust, ears that know bluff and hands that reject trust; because they’ve seen too much and felt cuts.
I confess…
That I worry sometimes. On nights like this I sit and I wonder and I worry about where I’m headed. I worry about what will happen when I get the degree, if I get the degree. Will it be a real scene or a snippet of my dreams? 
I confess
I’m repelling every emotion that could magnet me to another even if this other could be THE other. I need you to follow me here… I said, I’m repelling every emotion that could magnet me to another even if this other could be THE other. 
I feel like it’s just not the time, but, am I really in a position to preach convenience? Considering, God decides when to convene us?
I confess disorientation. I’m not sure where I am or where I’m going. I just know that I’m smiling more than usual, believing more than i used to and I’m laughing like I mean it, I’m crying once in a blue moon and i’m praying it doesn’t fade soon.
Signed:  Lily Aaliyah♥

Written 11/03/2012

A modified letter to 4 people (2) my mother, (4) myself and the rest anonymous observations of other characters...

Queen Maya Angelou

The ease with which she made profound statements with small words speaks volumes... She taught me that life isn't one dimensional -to live is to explore every facet of your being & make mistakes along the way. She turned pain into poetry 

The epitome of feminine, power, grace and endurance. An angel long before she passed. We will never forget what you said, we will never forgot what you did and we will never forget how you made us feel. Thank you for every word of wisdom and for making us acknowledge that we will encounter many defeats but we must never be defeated and that when you get, give. When you learn, teach.

Thank you, Dr Maya Angelou, for teaching the rest of us how to use words with bravery and grace to reach out to the world. R.I.P

The Other Side

YOU release your words 
and worries soar away like birds...
but on the other side
Sorry gains no clarity
Just pity and charity.
wanting a new city.
with walls so high,
blocking lust
waiting to find out if love runs through you.

Your ways arent cheap, 
but on the other side
empathy flows deep and
Each wound refusing to seep. 
Can't break a heart thats already been shattered 
even if once your words mattered.

See, when you're a Queen at heart,
Forgiveness is an art.
not so simple.
Especially when they strike,
on the other side
and at each lie
you sigh
because they like.
that the person in the 
mirror doesnt match 
their reflection thats when 
You know you have to catch 
your reaction.

See they say you're a good writer 
your words a highlighter , 
because on the other side
You cant stay 
and loved ones want you 

not knowing, 
you're on the other side

The company of cold hearted souls

Forget the dust...
 invest in the gold!

The dream...

(Text messages.)

Him: Hey Beautiful, how you doing?

Me: Hey :) I'm good and you? Whats up?

Him: Yea, I'm good, I'm good. I'm actually tryna find out what you're doing Saturday? Thought maybe we'd hang out 😋

Me : Saturday night?

Him : nah girl, day time. I know you ain't a fan of the night scene.

Me: lol , nothing in the afternoon. What'd you have in mind?

Him: it's a surprise, text me your address :D , I'll pick you up at 2?

Him: by the way, what kinda flowers does your Mom like?

Me: lol charming. Lillies 😎

Him: lol I figured. So I'll see you Saturday x


Quarter to 2 and my heart was racing anticipating that Knock on my front door. 

At 5 to 2 the doorbell rings and I hear my mum answering the door to greet him "Lily never told me you were this handsome! , come on in young man. I'm her mum nice to meet you!" I hear him chuckle and shyly reply a "thank you" , whilst handing her what I assume to be flowers from the crackle sound of plastic wrap. She should be down in a second why don't you give them to her. "No ma'am these are for you, thank you for allowing me to take your daughter on a date" 

I stroll downstairs watching my mum smile at him approvingly. 
Hey I'm ready I smiled shyly as they both turned to look at me. He was starring and I was hoping it was in a good way. 

"You look beautiful" he mumbled shyly, in my mums presence. My breath returned as I smiled wide thank you, you don't look so bad yourself I replied.  It's cute how he fumbled with his words. "The flowers are beautiful mum we're gonna go now, I'll be home at 10"

Closing the door behind me as we walked to his car and he opened the door for me, closing it as i sat down.

Soo.. Where are we going? I asked,
"It's a surprise, don't worry I have the whole day planned out" 

we got to know each other through
the drive to this secret location, he seemed interested in my passions, aspirations and family. It was nice being asked about me for once by a guy in an appropriate manner. He was actually really smart and funny.

Parking right infront of Dublin zoo, I couldn't contain my excitement.
"Omgosh! You're taking me to the zoo!!! No way! I love this place! How did you know!??? "

He chuckled, "Your best friend told me you love panthera and Disney amongst other things and since theres no Disney land here, the zoo it is. I was worried you'd be disappointed assuming you've been here a lot.

I smiled, "no, I'm excited!!". He did home work on this date. wow! he actually invested time into finding out what I love! I mean I've been here a lot at least once a year when I was a kid but not since I was 16, a good 5 years ago.

Just as I was about to open my door he stopped me, "nah I'll get the door. Women don't get doors" I smiled shy not knowing what to reply.

He opened my door and we walked over to the entrance, took out my purse only to find us entering with tickets he'd already bought. 

The day flew by, it was interesting learning about him and his family and listening to jokes about things the animals were doing. 

3 hours later we decided to head back to the car and go for a meal. But for some reason he parked in the Phoenix park right infront of the perfect sunset and told me to put blindfolds on. 

5 minutes later and still blindfolded, the car door opened. 
"You can come out" now he chuckled shyly, "grab my hand and don't look so worried"

I loosened up, placed my hand in his and got out of the car. We stopped 10 steps away as he removed the blind folds to showcase the most amazing lil picnic arrangement with my favourite foods.

Observing me nervously, he scratched the back of his head and cleared his throat trying to catch my attention as I looked on amazed with my hands at each side of my face.

"Lily!" He chuckled, sitting on the carefully laid out blanket and patting the ground beside him, "come sit down."

shyly nodded, as I sat down mumbling a thank you, no one had ever made so much of an effort for me before, I never expected this from him of all people even after being friends for so long.

The food was amazing and so was the company. As the sun disappeared and it began to get cold he gave me his jacket and we packed the picnic things back into the car. The ride home consisted of out of tune singing along to Will.i.am, Pharrell and Tyrese and laughing on both sides. It was fun. 

We arrived my house and once again he stopped me from opening the door rushing to my side to open it for me.  We walked to the door both silent and smiling.

You told your mum you'd be home at 10 right? I nodded agreeing. Great it's 9:30 so we ain't in trouble he wiped his forehead dramatically sighing as I chuckled at his silliness.

 "Thank you for a fun day" I said looking at his shy grin. "It was my pleasure, I hope we can hang out again some time?" He asked.

"Yea I'd like that" , I mumbled shyly, "call me."

"Will do. Goodnight beautiful."
I smiled, uttering " Good night" back as I leaned in to kiss his cheek. 

Watching him walk back to his car as I walked into my house....

And I woke up from "the dream"

Yes! this hasn't happened to me either lol, yet....

I think the scariest thing in the world is that you never know someone's intentions with you. But when was
the last time someone ran their fingers through the knots of your soul. Mentally capturing you by touching you without actually touching you? 

We're surrounded with the understanding that we need to pursue rather than be pursued. When the actual fact is that a young Queen should never chase anything but her dreams. Don't lower your standards because you're surrounded by lower standards. 

Not all men are the same so stop chanting it like a mantra.

Theres a guy out there who is going to spoil you with his loyalty, keep it 110% real with you no matter what and stay by your side even when things get hard. He'll never cheat and forever invest in helping you become a better version of yourself each day bringing out the best in you. Constantly showing you he loves you instead of just telling you. He'll genuinely be interested in knowing the dustiest corners of your soul and the brightest glow of your heart. 

God never made you to be lonely or alone. But if you keep tying your soul to others that were never ordained for you, as they strip away your happiness and peace. You're connecting with all their messy vibes and meeting YOUR soul mate becomes a challenge. 

    Remember ,

            "Not all that glitters is gold"

Lily Aaliyah x

Faith Over Fear !

I recently started a new book called "Mother Of Malawi" By Al Gibson, This book tells the story of The beautiful Mrs Annie Chikhwaza, founder of Kondanani, a beautiful village in Malawi dedicated to caring for young orphans.                         Its a 317 page book but so overwhelming to the point that after page 65 I was so overwhelmed on my flight home from Belgium I just had to close the book and look outside, seeing nothing but blue sky's & clouds does tend to give you epiphanies. Annie speaks of how she endured sexual abuse from men from the age of eight years old, how her mother continuously told her she would never amount to anything. She speaks of how she went from working in a mental institute to being placed in a straight jacket & being rescued to being in an abusive relationship but through all this she selflessly cleaned, cooked and cared for those who had no voice despite being told to stay away from the "dirty people" , risking her life to give hope to the hopeless, countless times starring in the face of death having faith that God  was in control. Molested, divorced, attempted rape, attempted murder, beaten close to death and the death of her beloved 2nd husband. Yet she refuses to be deflated.

It's one thing when YOU know your OWN trials and tribulations, but to read someone elses testimony and weep is another thing all together. After everything I've been through in life God has always given me the strength to get past it and faith in him to carry me through, kept me together even when I felt like giving up, it was never my own power.  No matter how much I slipped or how little time I gave him he has been by my side reminding me that challenges are for champions and this realisation is what makes the devil try harder with your life. Faith over fear is what God wants out of each and every one of us. When you realise that there is power in the name of God then you will keep pushing forward towards him instead of letting the devil blow you around like a leaf in the wind. Break those chains because what you can perceive you will achieve. I hope to one day do more for others and encourage those that feel broken. Maybe even put my life into a book and change the lives of those whose hearts need to feel what I'm feeling having felt what I've felt. Never doubt what God can do for you or who he uses to do it.
Happiness is your portion. No matter what you have done or been put through. Depression, sadness & a loss of understanding towards ones path are all too prevalent in this generation. But if you've got your feet on steady ground and realise that you need clarity because you cannot be hammered down by things you have clarity about. Every ones in their own lane & fighting their own pain.                                                            If you guys get a chance pick up the book in Easons it'll be worth your while!
- Lily Aaliyah x

Beauty Denied

Girls, why do we have a habit of dismissing compliments, yet we’re so fast to take insults to heart? 
If you dont know what I'm talking about,  then boo you're a liar. Lol, seriously though, do you remember that guy you met who told you you’re beautiful?.... No, didn’t think so. But you sure do remember the hater who called you fat right?.... Why? Because you paid mind to what was said despite the fact it didn’t matter. You yourself chose to dislike that person to this day and dismiss the person who saw the light in you. In the process dimming your own light and self worth.

I’m not even pointing the finger here because I’ve done this too. I grew up being the only black girl surrounded by white friends for ¾ of my  life and I felt like the ugly duckling among swans. Solely because I had more melanin. But as my friends group altered I realized it wasn’t me that was the problem, it was merely the fact that people are attracted to what they’re accustom to not what they're presented with. So sooner or later you acknowledge that the world we live in reacts to us based on our race, religion, education and socio-economics, and beauty, or lack thereof, is a part of that.

See the girls who break necks, the ones who everyone deems drop dead gorgeous are forgiven more easily, given more breaks in life, they get to cut in lines, get things for free, and command a room all without saying a word, but that doesnt mean their life is great and their whole life flows smooth. Just because you’re not that girl, don’t be the one who dims her own light simply because not EVERYONE sees your radiance.

I can see some people shaking their head thinking SERIOUSLY LILY??? Its not that deep.
But on the real, you can tell me all about chemistry and pheromones and the unspoken connection that happens between two people, But you CANNOT tell me when a beautiful girl walks into a bar that every guy isn’t noticing, isn’t assessing, isn’t hoping, wishing, plotting, planning, scheming, dreaming and wanting.  Y’know some of those guys are calculating their own beauty in order to determine their odds. Girls don’t realise that most guys at bars who are trying to pick up the most beautiful girl are the ones who base their entire self-worth on the appearance of their partner. Self- esteem isn’t only a female thing.

When you’re old and grey, telling your story you sure don’t want to start with:
“This is a story of a girl who turned out wrong, because she only loved things that couldn’t love her back.” —Sophia, Skins

You need to understand that no matter how loud your voice is, how talented or creative you are, how brilliant or funny or charming or kind or thoughtful, sweet, caring, loyal and honest you are. You won’t overshadow the kind of beauty  that society has ordained as a 10. It is visible everyone immediately sees it. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t beautiful and don’t dismiss the people who notice the change of your eye colour every season. The guy that tells you have a beautiful smile or the stranger that says they love your figure because at the end of the day you may not be the next top model but that doesn’t mean you’re not amazing.

After feeling so low about myself as a kid I grew up finding out that I can only be myself and hope that someone finds something Beautiful about me or in me, even if it’s just the possibility or the potential. But first and foremost I had to find that beauty and love it with all my heart. This sounds scary at first and it’s far from easy.The negativity though, those are the voices to block out.

When you learn that self-love is the key to appreciating someone elses love for you. You allow yourself to be ONLY you, whilst truly admiring all that is YOU! . The definition of beauty is not as pure as it originally was. You ARE beautiful even if society doesn't agree.

With that said, here are 5 things I love about Me, Myself & I. 

1)      I love the fact I have a birth mark on my left eye. When I was 11 my mum and the doctors thought it would grow so it was meant to be removed, which never happened for some reason. Safe to say we both love it now.

2)      I Love the fact that no matter how hard I try to hate someone when they hurt me, I simply cant. See don’t get me wrong I will cut your ass out of my life so fast but hating you or wishing bad on you is not in my character. My mums always taught me the value of forgiveness and moving forward. Everything in life is a lesson and its never easy to do but with time I’m able to let go of the hurt in my heart.

3)   I love the fact that when a close friend needs me in an important situation affecting their life I don’t think twice about extending a helping hand, If its in my power to make your life easier I will. I gat you ;) lol.

4) *ghetto voice* Lil mamas a mean cook yo! If y’all aint know then y’all missing out *Flicks hair* hehe! .

5) Ambition. I am full of it. So much has happened in the past couple of years and its been extremely overwhelming but no matter what, I have never and will NEVER give up on my dreams. Mostly because of the reasons I want what I want, but also because giving to those less fortunate holds value to me, I know how it feels to have and also to go without. Last but never least, because I want to cater for me and mine.

So #TalkToMeh ! 
What are the 5 things y'all love about yourselves.

     Lily x

Fear Of Loving The Wrong Man (1)

Dear future Lover,

I’ve never referred to anyone as my “Lover” before , EVER,
 the depth of the word alone makes me giddy lol.  But the fact you’re reading this with me says that you’re HIM! , that handsome, kind, warm hearted, gentle and humble fellow who turned my world sunny side up. I know when writing this we probably haven't met yet, but please make me believe that it still exists inside myself to love another without regret, especially because I know you’re worth loving and I'll never ask anything of you; other than to love me (especially when I need it most), never lie to me and go on long adventures with me.

  You’ll notice in this that despite us not meeting yet. I speak of you highly. This is simply because I believe this world consists of so many mediocre things but love shouldn’t be one of them.  If you’re reading this then I am 100% sure I’ve never met anyone like you and you are my soul mate, I can’t exactly call you the love of my life because I expect to love you much longer, the love of my existence.
I hope that by the time I’ve met you my relationship with God has reached a new found depth, Only you will understand the reason for this, knowing all I’ve endured in life and how he never allowed me to crumble. I’m young, although I feel beyond my years...

You probably want to know a bit about me, so I will do my best to tell you the things you are curious about. Similar to how a gift isn’t defined by its wrapping paper, the love that we share won’t be defined by material things and exterior beings. I pray for you and I pray about us. I've seen great love and I've seen mediocre and the greats were always the realest.

You can tell me everything and anything, I promise to listen before I speak always. We may quarrel, yet always remember this, If our love remains so deep I’ll always prefer to lose an argument with you than have a happy moment with another. I’ll love my conversations with you, especially in the morning, because you are going to make my coffee or green tea taste perfect, for every single sip I take, while staring at you as you discuss something serious, sweet or goofy.

 I hope you know whenever you need me, even without words said, I’ll be by your side assuring, encouraging and exalting you through life’s storms. No matter what the world says, I want you to always know you are not alone. I promise to never compare you to another or make you feel any less than a king, my King.  My compassion will always radiate, although I’ll always be your partner I won’t hide the truth from you even when you are wrong.  Even more, I’ll celebrate you when you’re right.  Cheering you on the loudest. 
In our journey of life, May we never throw away the value of what our marriage union stands for, although, I am not in an illusion that things will always be a bed of roses or a fairy tale. I know through respect, honesty, integrity & genuine love that we’ll always remain best friends.

Some people grumble that roses have thorns; I am grateful that thorns have roses.”  - Alphonse Karr.

I am so grateful for having an amazing and loving man like you, For I know overcoming the storms of life has made me become the woman you deserve to have.  

All ways, 


Love, Trust And Everything In-Between.

Sometimes a man’s purpose in a woman’s life is to make her a better woman… For another man.
But, somewhere along the line a lot of women become bitter women for another man. That Is where the whole philosophy Behind “Adopting a mans characteristics ” begins. Honey you cannot think like a man because you are not one. Trying to do so is just setting a trap for yourself, in a whole sea of pain.

Most men will call a woman “frigid” because she’s conservative with sex and in the same breath call her "loose" if she is liberal, either way you’re going to call her something. What’s up with that? I mean, no justification but you’re twice as liberal as her, out there dipping your nugget in so many sauces. You’re in no position to judge her for the things you and your brethren led her to. 
"Every sinner has a future and every saint a past" 
not to say that I approve of people's ways but, 
don’t judge someone just because you sin different, 
 I believe the saying goes 
“people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones” .
“ Woman wants monogamy; man delights in novelty. Love is woman’s moon and sun; Man has other forms of fun ” – Dorothy Parker

Point being, Nothing on this planet can compare with a woman’s love.
In Steve Harvey's words, 
a woman's love is kind and compassionate, patient and nurturing, generous and sweet and unconditional. Pure. If you are her man, she will walk on water and through a mountain for you, too, no matter how you’ve acted out, no matter what crazy thing you’ve done, no matter the time or demand. If you are her man, she will talk to you until there just aren’t any more words left to say, encourage you when you’re at rock bottom and think there just isn’t any way out, hold you in her arms when you’re sick, and laugh with you when you’re up. And if you’re her man and that woman loves you—I mean really loves you?—she will shine you up when you’re dusty, encourage you when you’re down, defend you even when she’s not so sure you were right, and hang on your every word, even when you’re not saying anything worth listening to. And no matter what you do, no matter how many times her friends say you’re no good, no matter how many times you slam the door on the relationship, she will give you her very best and then some, and keep right on trying to win over your heart, even when you act like everything she’s done to convince you she’s The One just isn’t good enough. That’s a woman’s love—it stands the test of time, logic, and circumstance. 

It’s in our nature to love HARD!.

Luckily, some of us learn to be smart about it, Knowing that if this man isn’t looking for a serious relationship, we’re not going to change his mind just because you're going on dates and being intimate. You could be the most perfect woman on the Lord’s green earth. Swear! Even if you’re capable of interesting conversation, you cook a mean breakfast, you hand out backrubs like sandwiches, make him laugh like Hart, even if you’re independent (which means to him that you’re not going to be in his pockets) and you do all you can in your power to make life easier for him. Putting his peace and happiness before your own. If he’s not ready for a serious relationship, he just going to take, take, take and NEVER give. The problem isn’t YOU, its him. You see, you can take a horse to water but can’t make it drink.
Everything in life happens for a reason and when we don’t learn from our ways life brings us right back to the same situation to see if we can press pause before the drum beat starts echoing disaster. 
A grown man isn’t so bothered about the women that aren’t right for him because hes focused on the woman who is. He knows that somewhere out there is that ONE female that ticks all the right boxes. I mean, imagine if men started treating women like equals, dreaming about that one in a wedding dress, rather than all of them naked. Less misogyny is all. Sounds like a fairy tale right?
I recently had a new found faith in the existence of soul mates. Everyone has that one person who they’re destined to be with. That person who makes them feel like they don’t have to carry the weight of the world alone rather than that someone who is just more weight to carry out of unrequited love. But how are you going to be ready for that right one if you keep giving yourself to all the wrong ones? Being alone doesn’t have to mean you’re lonely. Society has that jinxed.
I’m sure that if women laid out their needs early on, and let the guy they’re presumably dating know that he could either rise up to those requirements, or just move on. A directive signal like that tells a man that you are not someone to be used and discarded by him. It tells him that what you have your benefits are you’re the right kind of special. That you need time to get to know him and his ways to decide if he DESERVES you and your ways. A man who is willing to put in the time and meet the requirements is the one you want to stick around, because that guy is making a conscious decision that he too, has no interest in playing games and will do what it takes to not only stay with you, but also get promoted and be the proud beneficiary of your benefits. And you, in the meantime, win the ultimate prize of maintain your dignity and self-esteem, and earning the respect of the man who recognized that you were worth the wait.
Your mission is to avoid being on a string, right? Well simply get over the fear of losing a man by confronting him, I’ve heard so many girls say “nah, I can’t if I say that he might get upset and leave me” Girl please let him leave, you shouldn’t fear confronting your lover, he isn’t the government. Just stop being afraid already! Everything you fear in a relationship or do wrong is what leads you to making hoe decisions

That’s the choice a lady makes. So yes these hoes aint loyal (male and female). That’s why monogamy exists.

The only reason she will compare you to her ex is if you’re doing something wrong. When you’re so much better and she’s so much happier with you, no body compares. A relationship is a team not two people against each other. The only reason he will cheat is because he wants to, there is no clue. So don’t mix your past and you’re present, that shit will only leave you feeling blue.

So, Lily! What is you’re conclusion?

Well, Firstly, men should stick to being men and women stick to being women.
Secondly, Boys and girls, not all that glitters is gold.
Everybody needs to calm down, it’s not meant to be hard.

Lily Xx